I know sorry isn't enough..

once upon a time a friend told me not to focus on the negative thoughts.. and always think positively..
how could i think now positively?
how could i even think of anything?
why everything is falling apart?
why when i found that one real friend everything gets complicated
why i always make the people i care for mad at me
why i am me
why i do nothing except hurting those who are close to me..
why everything nice and good in my life i can't enjoy..
why my everything is going away..
why i am feeling that my life is not worth living now..
why i am crying ..
why i feel helpless..
why i can do nothing..
why i am such a stupid girl..
why i do this..
why i hate myself so much..
why i keep wishing that something happens and cause my death..
why i wish i was dead now..
why i don't want anything now except for one thing..
may be i am the worst person that u have ever known
but i remember that once u told me i am an angle..i told u i am not..but here life proved that i am not..
it's just i wish if u can forgive me..i wish we can get back like we used to be..
i miss those days..those days where everything was fine..
when all our problems disappeared the moment we talk..
when we waited to tell each other everything..
when i was someone who you can really depend on..
i know that you may not read this words..
i know that u may don't wanna talk ever again with me..
all i ask for is just a chance to do my best.. prove that i'm that person who you can depend on..
that person who u know very well..
we all do mistakes..mine was the worst..but also i know that deep down you still care..even if you said you don't.i can't believe it..i can't convince myself of it..although each time i remember it i cry and can't stop crying...
please just give me another chance..don't let our good memories become a memory..
it's just i know sorry isn't enough..